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Episode #110 - Solarbabies

May 21st, 2015

Time: The Future. Place: Earth(?). Hair: Feathered. The world's water supply is under strict control by the Eco Protectorate, a militaristic organization that polices society and runs prison-like orphanages, where children are groomed for military service. A young boy named Daniel finds a mysterious orb shaped being in a cave below one of these orphanages, and he discovers that his new friend has magical powers. When a fellow orphan kidnaps the orb, Daniel sets out with his roller derby lacrosse hockey team to rescue it. At the same time, the Protectorate discovers the existence of the orb, and decides to find and destroy it for some unknown, but assuredly evil purposes. This film was arguably the low-point of the 80's "Young Children Find An Alien Being And Must Protect/Rescue It From The Government" genre. And no, I didn't forget about Mac and Me. Grab your roller skates, fill up your canteens, and join us as we knock Solarbabies around with a Lacrosskey stick!

Episode #109 - Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation

May 7th, 2015

Renee Zellweger and Matthew McCan.... MacCona.... Ward from The Paperboy star in the fourth installment of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise! Meant as a reboot/direct sequel to the first film, TNG features all of the same exact scenarios from the original classic, but without any of that pesky innovation or originality getting in the way. Leatherface is now Whinyface, the chainsaw is not doing any massacre-ing, and the Illuminati are now in charge of the family. Also, McConaughey is walking around with Lindsay Lohan's leg from I Know Who Killed Me. Fortunately for the careers of both of its future stars, nobody cared about this film when it was released. Grab your encyclopedia of famous quotes, charge up your remote control batteries, and join us as we fly a crop duster into Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation's face! Alright, alright, alright!


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