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Episode #66 - The Canyons

14Dec

Lindsay Lohan tries to resuscitate her career by starring alongside a porn star in the 2013 Kickstarter funded atrocity The Canyons. Lohan plays Tara, a largely unsympathetic young woman who finds herself in the least interesting love triangle in history. When her wealthy, swinging creep of a boyfriend (porn's James Deen) begins to correctly suspect that she is having an affair with her old flame, Ryan, he begins making a series of boring phone calls and weird, creepy threats. Now Ryan must make some phone calls too, while Tara sexes up everyone in LA. If this synopsis were The Canyons, this is where I would insert some boobs and a shot of an abandoned theater. Grab your cell phones, sign into you Text TV account, and join us as we swing with The Canyons!

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