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Episode #124 - The Star Wars Holiday Special

December 17th, 2015

It's that magical time of year again. The time when we gather with our loved ones and dress in our finest red robes. The time when we get out our glowing orbs and stand next to a giant tree while Carrie Fischer sings to us about loving one another. The time when Rawwrraawrrrwarrrrrrrrr. It's Life Day! In the most embarrassing moment in George Lucas' career (somehow more embarrassing than Darth Vader yelling "Nooooooooo"), the Star Wars Holiday Special finds Han and Chewie trying to make it back to the Wookie home world of Kashyyyk in time to celebrate Life Day with Chewbacca's family. They're slowed up by a sudden attack of stock footage, leaving Chewie's father(?), wife(??) and son(???) to worry that he won't make it. After passing some time watching cooking shows and Jefferson Starship music videos, their house is ransacked by Imperial officers looking for any sign of rebel activity. Will Han get Chewie back to Kashyyyyyyyyyk in time to stop the Imperials and celebrate Life Day with his family? Who cares! Just show us more Bea Arthur singing in a Cantina, and we'll be sure to have ourselves a Merry Christmas. Grab your thingamajigs, whip up some "Bantha Surprise", and join us as we make things by hand... solo, with the Star Wars Holiday Special! With special guest Farah Jadran!

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Episode #123 - Pay the Ghost

December 3rd, 2015

We just can't get enough Nicolas Cage here at Stop the Movie, which is why we couldn't wait to sink our claws into 2015's Pay the Ghost! This straight-to-DVD clunker stars Cage as a professor whose quest for tenure has caused him to put his family on the back-burner. His wife and son are constantly dealing with his broken promises, which come to a head on Halloween night, when he fails to help his son Charlie carve a jack-o-lantern. When he brings him to a Halloween carnival to make it up to him, Charlie suddenly vanishes. When NYPD's least helpful police officers fail to do anything for him, Cage goes on a year-long quest to figure out what happened to his son. The answer: ghosts. Ghosts happened. Charlie is taken by a vengeful spirit who kidnaps three children every year as payback for what happened to her own kids three hundred years ago. Apparently Nicolas Cage is the only person in those three hundred years to actually do anything about it. Will he find Charlie while he still can? Will the police help him at all? Do ghosts charge interest? Grab your cowboy costume, paint on an eyepatch, and join us as we burn Pay the Ghost at the stake! With special guests Nick Newert and Kathleen Shockey!

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Episode #122 - Olympus Has Fallen

November 19th, 2015

In the prequel to the upcoming London Has Fallen, Gerard Butler plays secret service agent Mike Banning, who was "disgraced" when he made the biggest mistake of his career... saving the life of the President of the United States (Aaron Eckhart). After being banished to a desk job, his life seems to be in a holding pattern. Thankfully a national tragedy comes along to get him out of his funk! When the White House is taken by North Koreans, he finds himself going full John McClane, taking on the terrorists on his lonesome and becoming the President's, and the nation's, only hope. Grab your RPGs, hit SHIFT+3, and join us as we lay siege on Olympus Has Fallen!

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Episode #121 - The Gambler

November 5th, 2015

Marky Mark is back? What? No! Mark Wahlberg plays a college professor who just... can't... stop... with the gambling. The film opens with him already in debt to the tune of $240,000. On the plus side, it seems like people just can't help themselves from giving him money to pay off his debts. Unfortunately, he uses exactly zero cents of any of that money to pay off the dangerous people who are after him, and instead uses all of it to play the worst hands of black jack and games of roulette that anyone has ever seen. Seriously, he's the worst gambler ever. His "arc" includes borrowing money from every loan shark in existence to pay off every other loan shark he owes, alienating and emotionally abusing his girlfriend, proving that he's the worst lecturer that has ever lectured, corrupting the best college athlete the world has seen in years, and forever wrecking his relationship with his family. No redemption to be seen here, folks! Grab your playing cards, put everything on red, and join us as we lecture The Gambler!

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Episode #120 - The Gallows

October 22nd, 2015

***THE FOLLOWING EPISODE DESCRIPTION IS PROPERTY OF THE STM POLICE DEPARTMENT - MISSING PERSONS DIVISION***

...didn't know what we were messing with... We thought we could handle the horror of The Gallows... We thought it would be a lark. If only we know what we were in for. Nobody's seen Jack in an hour. Alex's screams are still echoing through the halls. Brian can't stop repeating the same thing over and over... "Who was recording Cassidy? WHO WAS RECORDING CASSIDY?" I think his mind is gone. I'm committing this to record in the hopes that it will save any other unfortunate souls from suffering the same fate that we have. Oh God... What's that noise? Jack? Alex? BriaAAAHHHHHHHHH............ 
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Episode #119 - Leprechaun 4: In Space

October 9th, 2015

Leeeppprreeechaauuunnn iiiiinnnnn spaaaaccceeeee! The fourth installment of the Leprechaun series finds our dear Leprechaun in the future, where he has kidnapped the princess of a planet in order to marry into the royal family. Meanwhile, an mad scientist, Dr. Mittenhand, is on a mission to rescue the princess in order to use her regenerative abilities for his own benefit. After rescuing the princess, the troop of space Marines contracted by Mittenhand unwittingly brings the Leprechaun back to their ship, where he begins picking them off one by one. As dumb as this movie is, one thing can definitely be said... Warwick Davis is adorable. Grab your shrink ray, think about baseball, and join us as we crack wise with Leprechaun 4: In Space!

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Episode #118 - Dante’s Peak

September 24th, 2015

It's Bond vs the volcano in Dante's Peak! Pierce Brosnan stars as volcanologist Harry Dalton, who is dispatched to the small town of Dante's Peak to investigate some possible volcanic activity. After determining that the mountain is on the verge of blowing (like this movie, HEY-O), he tries to warn the town of their impending doom, much to the chagrin of his boss, apparently fresh off his stint as the mayor of Amity. Inevitably the volcano erupts, because this would be a pretty boring movie if it didn't, and Harry must completely ignore the fact that he's a volcanologist in a town with an erupting volcano and instead go rescue a single little old lady who doesn't want to leave anyway... and killing her in the process. Now, along with Mayor Sarah Connor and her annoying kids, he must find away to escape Dante's Peak before the next eruption completely destroys the town. If this was a latter day Bros Bond movie, he would have totally rode a wave of lava. Grab your Nasa transmitter, pour yourself a cappuccino, and join us as we bury Dante's Peak in volcanic ash! 

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Episode #117 - Basic Instinct 2

September 4th, 2015

Sharon Stone's Catherine Tramell is up to her old murderin' tricks again.... or maybe she isn't. Who knows! Either way, her psychiatrist, Dr. Glass is pretty sure she's got blood on her hands, but he doesn't let that stop him from becoming dangerously and creepily obsessed with her. Hired to give her a mental examination as part of a trial, he eventually finds himself defending her as bodies and evidence pile up, which seems to paint her as a cold blooded killer. But who is the real killer? No, really, I'm asking. I have no idea who the killer is. Please tell me. A erotic "thriller" that has more twists and turns than Nicolas Cage's Trespass and less answers than a broken telephone, Basic Instinct 2 proves one thing for sure... that nobody needed a sequel to Basic Instinct. Grab your Big Ben lighter, sharpen your ice pick, and join us as we drive into a river with Basic Instinct 2!

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Episode #116 - Diamonds are Forever

August 20th, 2015

Goldfinger meets Octopussy in our latest James Bond review, Diamonds are Forever! After killing his arch enemy and widower-maker Blofeld, Bond is assigned his next mission, infiltrating and uncovering a diamond smuggling ring. He goes undercover and soon traces the ring back to reclusive millionaire Willard Whyte. When confronting Whyte at the hotel he owns, Bond discovers that Whyte isn't who he seems, and that his nemesis may not be so dead after all. The plot of this film left us both shaken and stirred. Grab your cake bomb, power up your moon buggy, and join us as we blow up our pants with Diamonds are Forever!

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Episode #115 - Jupiter Ascending

August 6th, 2015

If I were able to actually mine a plot out of this mess of a movie, writing a synopsis would be a much less daunting task! In the year "whatever" a woman named Jupiter (Mila Kunis) is totally shocked when some aliens try to kill her, and even more shocked when a werewolf on rollerblades saves her life. Roller-Wolf (Channing Tatum) reveals that Jupiter is the most important person on Earth, and is in mortal danger because of it. When WhereIsMyShirt-Wolf fails to keep her from being kidnapped, he must stop her evil sons(?) from killing her and taking possession of Earth, where they plan to harvest every living human life and turn their essence into youth-goo. Grab your space skates, take a dip in youth-goo, and join us as we take away Jupiter Ascending's wings!

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