November 19th, 2015
In the prequel to the upcoming London Has Fallen, Gerard Butler plays secret service agent Mike Banning, who was "disgraced" when he made the biggest mistake of his career... saving the life of the President of the United States (Aaron Eckhart). After being banished to a desk job, his life seems to be in a holding pattern. Thankfully a national tragedy comes along to get him out of his funk! When the White House is taken by North Koreans, he finds himself going full John McClane, taking on the terrorists on his lonesome and becoming the President's, and the nation's, only hope. Grab your RPGs, hit SHIFT+3, and join us as we lay siege on Olympus Has Fallen!
November 5th, 2015
Marky Mark is back? What? No! Mark Wahlberg plays a college professor who just... can't... stop... with the gambling. The film opens with him already in debt to the tune of $240,000. On the plus side, it seems like people just can't help themselves from giving him money to pay off his debts. Unfortunately, he uses exactly zero cents of any of that money to pay off the dangerous people who are after him, and instead uses all of it to play the worst hands of black jack and games of roulette that anyone has ever seen. Seriously, he's the worst gambler ever. His "arc" includes borrowing money from every loan shark in existence to pay off every other loan shark he owes, alienating and emotionally abusing his girlfriend, proving that he's the worst lecturer that has ever lectured, corrupting the best college athlete the world has seen in years, and forever wrecking his relationship with his family. No redemption to be seen here, folks! Grab your playing cards, put everything on red, and join us as we lecture The Gambler!
October 22nd, 2015
***THE FOLLOWING EPISODE DESCRIPTION IS PROPERTY OF THE STM POLICE DEPARTMENT - MISSING PERSONS DIVISION***
...didn't know what we were messing with... We thought we could handle the horror of The Gallows... We thought it would be a lark. If only we know what we were in for. Nobody's seen Jack in an hour. Alex's screams are still echoing through the halls. Brian can't stop repeating the same thing over and over... "Who was recording Cassidy? WHO WAS RECORDING CASSIDY?" I think his mind is gone. I'm committing this to record in the hopes that it will save any other unfortunate souls from suffering the same fate that we have. Oh God... What's that noise? Jack? Alex? BriaAAAHHHHHHHHH............
October 9th, 2015
Leeeppprreeechaauuunnn iiiiinnnnn spaaaaccceeeee! The fourth installment of the Leprechaun series finds our dear Leprechaun in the future, where he has kidnapped the princess of a planet in order to marry into the royal family. Meanwhile, an mad scientist, Dr. Mittenhand, is on a mission to rescue the princess in order to use her regenerative abilities for his own benefit. After rescuing the princess, the troop of space Marines contracted by Mittenhand unwittingly brings the Leprechaun back to their ship, where he begins picking them off one by one. As dumb as this movie is, one thing can definitely be said... Warwick Davis is adorable. Grab your shrink ray, think about baseball, and join us as we crack wise with Leprechaun 4: In Space!
September 24th, 2015
It's Bond vs the volcano in Dante's Peak! Pierce Brosnan stars as volcanologist Harry Dalton, who is dispatched to the small town of Dante's Peak to investigate some possible volcanic activity. After determining that the mountain is on the verge of blowing (like this movie, HEY-O), he tries to warn the town of their impending doom, much to the chagrin of his boss, apparently fresh off his stint as the mayor of Amity. Inevitably the volcano erupts, because this would be a pretty boring movie if it didn't, and Harry must completely ignore the fact that he's a volcanologist in a town with an erupting volcano and instead go rescue a single little old lady who doesn't want to leave anyway... and killing her in the process. Now, along with Mayor Sarah Connor and her annoying kids, he must find away to escape Dante's Peak before the next eruption completely destroys the town. If this was a latter day Bros Bond movie, he would have totally rode a wave of lava. Grab your Nasa transmitter, pour yourself a cappuccino, and join us as we bury Dante's Peak in volcanic ash!
September 4th, 2015
Sharon Stone's Catherine Tramell is up to her old murderin' tricks again.... or maybe she isn't. Who knows! Either way, her psychiatrist, Dr. Glass is pretty sure she's got blood on her hands, but he doesn't let that stop him from becoming dangerously and creepily obsessed with her. Hired to give her a mental examination as part of a trial, he eventually finds himself defending her as bodies and evidence pile up, which seems to paint her as a cold blooded killer. But who is the real killer? No, really, I'm asking. I have no idea who the killer is. Please tell me. A erotic "thriller" that has more twists and turns than Nicolas Cage's Trespass and less answers than a broken telephone, Basic Instinct 2 proves one thing for sure... that nobody needed a sequel to Basic Instinct. Grab your Big Ben lighter, sharpen your ice pick, and join us as we drive into a river with Basic Instinct 2!
August 20th, 2015
Goldfinger meets Octopussy in our latest James Bond review, Diamonds are Forever! After killing his arch enemy and widower-maker Blofeld, Bond is assigned his next mission, infiltrating and uncovering a diamond smuggling ring. He goes undercover and soon traces the ring back to reclusive millionaire Willard Whyte. When confronting Whyte at the hotel he owns, Bond discovers that Whyte isn't who he seems, and that his nemesis may not be so dead after all. The plot of this film left us both shaken and stirred. Grab your cake bomb, power up your moon buggy, and join us as we blow up our pants with Diamonds are Forever!
August 6th, 2015
If I were able to actually mine a plot out of this mess of a movie, writing a synopsis would be a much less daunting task! In the year "whatever" a woman named Jupiter (Mila Kunis) is totally shocked when some aliens try to kill her, and even more shocked when a werewolf on rollerblades saves her life. Roller-Wolf (Channing Tatum) reveals that Jupiter is the most important person on Earth, and is in mortal danger because of it. When WhereIsMyShirt-Wolf fails to keep her from being kidnapped, he must stop her evil sons(?) from killing her and taking possession of Earth, where they plan to harvest every living human life and turn their essence into youth-goo. Grab your space skates, take a dip in youth-goo, and join us as we take away Jupiter Ascending's wings!
July 23rd, 2015
In the late 90's Hollywood finally gave us a movie adaptation that literally tens of people were clamoring for, a movie version of the 60's sci-fi series Lost in Space! In the year 2058 the Earth dying and will be unable to sustain life in a few decades time. A brave family of scientists, the Robinsons, are tasked with traveling into the depths of space to build a hypergate, allowing for the evacuation of the inhabitants of Earth to a more stable planet. Enter the evil Dr. Smith, a greedy man with terroristic intentions who puts into motion a plan that will end the mission before it even starts. Unfortunately for Smith, he's double crossed and is trapped on the ship as it takes off. His plan half works, and the family and their robot are forced to hurl their ship into the vastness of deep space, leaving them completely lost and searching for a way back home. Lost in Space proves once again that Gary Oldman can make anything watchable... Well, anything besides Tiptoes. Grab your PennyVision bracelet, feed your Blaarp, and join us as we get Lost in Space!
July 9th, 2015
This week we present to you a "lost" episode from the Stop the Movie archives! Join us as we mourn over John Carpenter's career and workshop our Jason Statham impressions!