May 19th, 2016
The Rock Dwayne Johnson stars as the son of Zeus (?) in this week's episode, 2014's Hercules! This iteration of the classic mythology finds Hercules working as a mercenary, using his legend to drum up business and strike fear into the hearts of his enemies. When a beautiful woman offers him a job defending her father's kingdom against the villainous Reece's Pieces, Hercules and his gang face the monumental challenge of training hundreds of helpless villagers to become fearless warriors. After leading them to victory, he quickly realizes something is wrong. His boss may not be who he seems to be, and Hercules may have been duped into helping the wrong side. Now he must fight to protect the young heir to the throne against the very men that he turned into great warriors. Hercules was a pet project of Dwayne Johnson, and if we've learned anything over the years, it's that pet projects are rarely easy to watch. Grab your lion head hoodie, prepare your death-mower chariot, and join us as we let loose the three headed hounds of hell on Hercules! With special guest Kristy Smorol!
April 21st, 2016
Welcome back to the same Bat Channel! After suffering through Joel Schumacher's neon guano pile that was Batman & Robin, we just had to circle back and examine where it all went wrong! Batman Forever is Schumacher's first foray into Gotham City, pitting Val Kilmer's Batman against Jim Carrey's Riddler and Tommy Lee Jones' Two Face. When Edward Nigma, a budding young scientist at Wayne Enterprises is rejected by Bruce Wayne, he makes it his personal mission to get revenge against him. Meanwhile, Harvey "Two Face" Dent is enacting his own revenge against Batman, the crime fighter who failed to save Dent from becoming horribly disfigured. Nigma offers to team up with Two Face as his new alter ego, The Riddler! Together, the two wreak havoc on Gotham, aiming to uncover the secret identity of the caped crusader. Elsewhere, Robin won't stop whining and Nicole Kidman is in a constant state of near orgasmic arousal. Grab your lucky coin, slip into your tights, and join us as we psychoanalyze Batman Forever!
March 24th, 2016
This week’s review is a very timely one, with Disney recently announcing the production of a fifth Indiana Jones movie, much to the dismay of anyone who saw the fourth Indiana Jones movie! Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, also known as “The one with aliens!”, takes place in the midst of the Cold War, where an older, wiser Indiana Jones has settled back into teaching (part-time!) after an apparent stint as a super spy during the second World War. He’s abducted by the Soviets, who need his expertise to locate a mythical relic that will give them great psychic powers. Things go south when Indy is double crossed and sadly killed in a nuclear blast. Oh… wait…he’s not dead? Oh, Shia LaBeouf is in the movie? Wait, all the action scenes are CGI? Prairie dogs? They’re making another one?! Harrison’s how old? Oh God…Grab your whips, put on our greaser jacket, and join us as we escape into another dimension from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull! With special guest Kristy Smorol!
March 24th, 2016
Vin Diesel stars in his very own Dungeons & Dragons fantasies in this week’s compelling review of The Last Witch Hunter! Diesel plays Kaulder, an immortal witch hunter (and apparently the last one) who works for the clandestine organization known as the Axe and Cross. When his closest friend is murdered by magic, Kaulder sets out with his new bestie, Elijah Wood, to find out who is responsible. After enlisting the help of Glinda, the good witch, they stumble upon a dark secret… someone is trying to bring back the evil Witch Queen, the baddest bitch of them all! Now they must race against time to stop her before she unleashes a plague of bad on New York City! Grab your memory spell, fire up your flaming sword, and join us as we crush the cold, black heart of The LastWitch Hunter!
February 11th, 2016
The Fantastic 4 are back! No, not THAT Fantastic 4! I'm talking about us! After a brief hiatus for the Holidays and general child rearing, we return, once again led by our fearless curator Alex Dunbar, to take on 2015's reboot of the Fantastic 4 franchise! In a film that is so poorly edited and paced that the final act is about 5 minutes long, Fantastic 4 (or Fant4stic) shows us the group of super heroes as we've never seen them before! Young and boring! When super smart Reed Richards develops a transporting device in his garage as a child, and then shows it at a science fair as a high school student, he's unknowingly stumbled upon a portal to another dimension (world?). Also unbeknownst to him is the fact that a group of scientists, headed by the super smart Victor Von BadGuy, have simultaneously created the exact same device, only full scale and unstable. They recruit Reed who, along with pals Victor, Johnny and Sue Storm, and Ben Rockface, successfully use the machine to travel to another dimension. Things go predictably awry and all 5 are given super powers. Only one of them decides to use his powers to destroy the world! After taking a few months off from podcasting, Grab your philips head screwdriver, fire up your power converter, and join us as we attempt to leave the Fantastic 4 behind on Planet Zero!
December 17th, 2015
It's that magical time of year again. The time when we gather with our loved ones and dress in our finest red robes. The time when we get out our glowing orbs and stand next to a giant tree while Carrie Fischer sings to us about loving one another. The time when Rawwrraawrrrwarrrrrrrrr. It's Life Day! In the most embarrassing moment in George Lucas' career (somehow more embarrassing than Darth Vader yelling "Nooooooooo"), the Star Wars Holiday Special finds Han and Chewie trying to make it back to the Wookie home world of Kashyyyk in time to celebrate Life Day with Chewbacca's family. They're slowed up by a sudden attack of stock footage, leaving Chewie's father(?), wife(??) and son(???) to worry that he won't make it. After passing some time watching cooking shows and Jefferson Starship music videos, their house is ransacked by Imperial officers looking for any sign of rebel activity. Will Han get Chewie back to Kashyyyyyyyyyk in time to stop the Imperials and celebrate Life Day with his family? Who cares! Just show us more Bea Arthur singing in a Cantina, and we'll be sure to have ourselves a Merry Christmas. Grab your thingamajigs, whip up some "Bantha Surprise", and join us as we make things by hand... solo, with the Star Wars Holiday Special! With special guest Farah Jadran!
December 3rd, 2015
We just can't get enough Nicolas Cage here at Stop the Movie, which is why we couldn't wait to sink our claws into 2015's Pay the Ghost! This straight-to-DVD clunker stars Cage as a professor whose quest for tenure has caused him to put his family on the back-burner. His wife and son are constantly dealing with his broken promises, which come to a head on Halloween night, when he fails to help his son Charlie carve a jack-o-lantern. When he brings him to a Halloween carnival to make it up to him, Charlie suddenly vanishes. When NYPD's least helpful police officers fail to do anything for him, Cage goes on a year-long quest to figure out what happened to his son. The answer: ghosts. Ghosts happened. Charlie is taken by a vengeful spirit who kidnaps three children every year as payback for what happened to her own kids three hundred years ago. Apparently Nicolas Cage is the only person in those three hundred years to actually do anything about it. Will he find Charlie while he still can? Will the police help him at all? Do ghosts charge interest? Grab your cowboy costume, paint on an eyepatch, and join us as we burn Pay the Ghost at the stake! With special guests Nick Newert and Kathleen Shockey!
November 19th, 2015
In the prequel to the upcoming London Has Fallen, Gerard Butler plays secret service agent Mike Banning, who was "disgraced" when he made the biggest mistake of his career... saving the life of the President of the United States (Aaron Eckhart). After being banished to a desk job, his life seems to be in a holding pattern. Thankfully a national tragedy comes along to get him out of his funk! When the White House is taken by North Koreans, he finds himself going full John McClane, taking on the terrorists on his lonesome and becoming the President's, and the nation's, only hope. Grab your RPGs, hit SHIFT+3, and join us as we lay siege on Olympus Has Fallen!
November 5th, 2015
Marky Mark is back? What? No! Mark Wahlberg plays a college professor who just... can't... stop... with the gambling. The film opens with him already in debt to the tune of $240,000. On the plus side, it seems like people just can't help themselves from giving him money to pay off his debts. Unfortunately, he uses exactly zero cents of any of that money to pay off the dangerous people who are after him, and instead uses all of it to play the worst hands of black jack and games of roulette that anyone has ever seen. Seriously, he's the worst gambler ever. His "arc" includes borrowing money from every loan shark in existence to pay off every other loan shark he owes, alienating and emotionally abusing his girlfriend, proving that he's the worst lecturer that has ever lectured, corrupting the best college athlete the world has seen in years, and forever wrecking his relationship with his family. No redemption to be seen here, folks! Grab your playing cards, put everything on red, and join us as we lecture The Gambler!
October 22nd, 2015
***THE FOLLOWING EPISODE DESCRIPTION IS PROPERTY OF THE STM POLICE DEPARTMENT - MISSING PERSONS DIVISION***
...didn't know what we were messing with... We thought we could handle the horror of The Gallows... We thought it would be a lark. If only we know what we were in for. Nobody's seen Jack in an hour. Alex's screams are still echoing through the halls. Brian can't stop repeating the same thing over and over... "Who was recording Cassidy? WHO WAS RECORDING CASSIDY?" I think his mind is gone. I'm committing this to record in the hopes that it will save any other unfortunate souls from suffering the same fate that we have. Oh God... What's that noise? Jack? Alex? BriaAAAHHHHHHHHH............