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Episode #67 - Jack Frost

December 19th, 2013

Bluesman Jack Frost has a tough time balancing his professional life with his family life. Between playing raucous live shows in bars and lengthy recording sessions, he has trouble getting home for important family events like hockey games and sink fixin'. After dying in a tragic Christmas car accident, his son, Charlie, is left bitter and depressed, quitting hockey and snowball fighting. When Charlie builds a snowman in his front yard and blows some sweet notes on his magic blues harp, Jack is somehow brought back from the dead... in the form of a walking, talking snow-dad! Now Charlie must keep his father's resurrection a secret, as Jack tries to take full advantage of this special second chance. The epic, never ending snowball fight that serves as a backdrop to this movie would make a much more interesting film. Grab your magical harmonica, prepare to be depressed, and join us as we crush Jack Frost between two giant snowballs!

Episode #66 - The Canyons

December 14th, 2013

Lindsay Lohan tries to resuscitate her career by starring alongside a porn star in the 2013 Kickstarter funded atrocity The Canyons. Lohan plays Tara, a largely unsympathetic young woman who finds herself in the least interesting love triangle in history. When her wealthy, swinging creep of a boyfriend (porn's James Deen) begins to correctly suspect that she is having an affair with her old flame, Ryan, he begins making a series of boring phone calls and weird, creepy threats. Now Ryan must make some phone calls too, while Tara sexes up everyone in LA. If this synopsis were The Canyons, this is where I would insert some boobs and a shot of an abandoned theater. Grab your cell phones, sign into you Text TV account, and join us as we swing with The Canyons!

Episode #65 - Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

December 7th, 2013

2013's Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is a movie that is better than it has any right to be. 3 out of 4 present podcasters actually enjoyed the film. Hey... it was bound to happen! Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton star as Hansel and Gretel, who, after surviving a nasty affair with a witch with a candy house when they were children, have grown into formidable witch hunters who travel the countryside kicking ass and taking names. When they find themselves back in their hometown, they're tasked with taking down a particularly nefarious coven who have kidnapped a dozen children with the intention of sacrificing them in order to complete a spell that will make them more powerful than ever. Grab your holy bullets, team up with your favorite troll, and join us as we hunt witches with Hansel & Gretel!

Episode #64 - End of Days

December 1st, 2013

This week we take a stab at the Y2K thriller End of Days, which stars Arnold Schwarzenegger as Jericho Cane, a former cop who finds himself in an apocalyptic battle with the Devil, whose biological clock is tick-tick-ticking away. Seriously... he's just aching to be a daddy, and he won't let anything get in his way. Robin Tunney makes a return to the podcast as the object of Satan's desires, a woman named Christine York, who was born under a bad sign and is now on the run from not only the Devil himself, but also from some well-meaning members of the church who just want her dead. Good luck keeping your bad guys straight... I'm still trying to figure out where Kevin Pollack falls in this whole thing. Grab your Michael swords, take a fiery leak, and join us as we crucify End of Days!


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