Stop the Movie! I Want to Get Out!

Episode #44 - Drive Angry

We just can't get enough Nicolas Cage here at Stop the Movie. He makes a triumphant, if not half asleep return to the podcast in 2011's Drive Angry! Cage plays Milton, a man recently escaped from the bowels of Hell who is bent on finding his granddaughter, a baby that has been kidnapped by a cult leader who plans on using her as a human sacrifice in order to bring Hell to Earth. Amber Heard is a waitress who gets dragged along for the ride, solely because she has a hot car and a hotter body. The duo must find the cult leader and save the baby, all while being chased by a demon who wants to return Cage's soul to the depths of Hades. Come for the Nicolas Cage jokes, stay to find out which actor in this movie co-host Andy "Randy" Wolf is in love with. Hint: It's not any of the women. Grab your demon killin' guns, renew your drivers' licenses, and join us as we send Drive Angry back to Hell!

Episode #43 - Double Dragon

Double Dragon is an adaptation of the video game of the same name, and in the rich tradition of Street Fighter, Super Mario Bros, and House of the Dead, it sucks. Jimmy Lee and his clearly adopted brother Billy live in the city of "New Angeles" in the distant future of 2007. Robert Patrick plays a megalomaniac who devises an evil scheme to take over a city that he ostensibly already owns. Now the Lee brothers must fend off numerous street gangs while trying to keep their half of a mystical medallion from falling into the wrong hands. I can't imagine that there are worse video game adaptations than this one. Pull up your favorite mutating chair, pour yourself a glass of flammable water, and join us as we make Double Dragon punch itself in the face!

Episode #42 - I Know Who Killed Me

I Know Who Killed Me represents the death throes of Lindsay Lohan's career as an actress. In what we've dubbed "Parent Trap 2", Lohan plays two characters... the first is Aubrey, a well off, smart, musically talented young woman who enjoys writing stories in her spare time. The second is a dirty, filthy, toilet talking stripper named Dakota. When Aubrey is abducted by a killer whose motives are the only thing dumber than his M.O., Dakota is found horribly injured and mistaken for her twin sister. Now Dakota must prove that she's not who everyone thinks she is, and find Aubrey before it's too late. The ending to this movie proved to be so predictable and lame that the filmmakers opted to just leave it out of the film altogether. Charge up your artificial legs, don't ask me any questions, and join us as we punish I Know Who Killed Me for not wanting to play the piano!

Episode #41 - The Last Airbender

Veteran special guest host Tim Ferlito returns to the podcast to help us hurl fireballs at another M. Night. Shyamalan classic! Based on a children's TV show, The Last Airbender follows Aang, the "Avatar" and last remaining Airbender. After being thawed out of a giant ice cube, Aang is being aggressively hunted down by the Firebender clan, while being protected by the Waterbenders... and then I fell asleep. Seriously guys, this movie is super boring. This is the film that cements Shyamalan's status as the Moriarty to our collective Sherlock Holmes. Grab your flying glider sticks, do some Tai Chi, and joins us as we freeze The Last Airbender in a block of ice!

Episode #40 - Fair Game

Cindy Crawford monotones her way through this mid-90's thriller starring William Baldwin, who plays a police officer caught up in a zany, overly elaborate KGB plot to kill Crawford, a lawyer who has absolutely no idea why the KGB even wants her dead. After numerous hilariously inept attempts at doing away with Crawford, Baldwin is tasked with protecting her at all costs, which proves to be easier than expected since the KGB is constantly telling him what they're about to do and when they're going to do it.  Christopher McDonald shows up and screams his way back to Stop the Movie, and we couldn't be more excited about it! Fiddle with your joysticks, have a pizza delivered to your secret safe house, and join us as we destroy Fair Game's walkman!

Episode #39 - Terminal Velocity

Charlie Sheen stars as Ditch Brodie in this mid-90's action/thriller masterpiece. Ditch is a high flying skydiver who crosses paths with an ex KGB agent who is trying to foil the plot of James Gandolfini, a member of the Russian Mafia.  Ditch must work to clear his name while hunting down a plane full of Russian gold. This movie was so bad that Gandolfini and Christopher McDonald decided to not even try to do Russian accents. Check your reserve chute, pop a Certz mint into your mouth, and join us as we push Terminal Velocity from a plane and watch it bounce!

Episode #38 - Glitter

Special guest Katie Corrado joins us as we review the 2001 masterpiece, Glitter. Mariah Carey stars as Bille Frank, a singer whose dreams come true when she meets a DJ named Dice, who acts as her manager/producer/boyfriend/marimba player. Billie's meteoric rise is contrasted by Dice's decent into complete douche-bagginess. Billie also occasionally remembers that she has a long-lost mother that she has some mild interest in finding. Glitter is so bad that the soundtrack alone got Mariah dropped from her label. Grab your 20 year old cats, get out your marimbas, and joins us as we drop Glitter off at an orphanage!

Episode #37 - Red Dawn (2012)

Chris Hemsworth and the fat kid from Drake and Josh star in the 2012 remake of Red Dawn, wherein large cities in the United States are taken over by an invading army of North Koreans... or are they Chinese? The filmmakers still aren't sure. The brothers Thor must band together with a group of teenagers to single handily take on the occupying forces and regain control of their hometown. The runtime on this movie is 3 Thor's Beards, but it feels like a whole 9 Thor's Beards! Grab your tracking devices, fill a trash bag with Subway sandwich meats, and joins us as we force Red Dawn to drink a dead deer's blood! WOLVERINES!

Episode #36 - So Undercover

So Undercover is a film with no discernible demographic. It's movie for young adults that is a times wildly inappropriate for young adults. Miley Cyrus stars as Molly, a college aged private detective who is hired by an FBI agent, played by Jeremy Piven, to go undercover in a sorority house to protect the daughter of a former mobster from... someone... I don't know... this plot is totes confusing. Grab your back massagers, get out your spy cameras, and join us as we kick So Undercover in its amazeballs!

Episode #35 - Friday the 13th (2009)

The original Friday the 13th was a campy, low budget, atmospheric slasher movie that spawned an entire franchise built around Jason Voorhees. Michael Bay's 2009 remake is a bland, generic, slick, modern horror movie that happens to feature a killer wearing a hockey mask. Jared Padalecki stars as Clay, a man who's sister has gone missing in the general vicinity of Camp Crystal Lake, where years earlier a woman wiped out an entire camp's worth of counselors because they let her son, Jason, drown. Turns out, he's still alive. Whoops... awkward. Now, Jason is killing a new group of 20-somethings who are just looking to have a good time as Clay searches for his missing sister. We were as shocked as anyone to find a movie that makes Friday the 13th Part V look like Psycho. Grab your LL Bean catalogs, put on your potato sacks, and joins us as we slowly feed Friday the 13th into a wood chipper!