Stop the Movie! I Want to Get Out!

Episode #54 - They Live

They Live? We're really doing this? Alright...

We here at Stop the Movie are fans of John Carpenter's sci-fi classic They Live, but we felt like there was enough craziness in the movie that we just HAD to talk about it... so welcome to our first "Start the Movie" review! Rowdy Roddy Piper stars across from Keith David in 86 minutes of sci-fi zaniness, and a legendary 5 minutes and 20 seconds of pure awesomeness! After observing some odd behavior at a church across the street from his shanty town, Piper discovers a box full of sunglasses that allows him to see the truth... that the earth is being run by ugly-ass aliens who are using subliminal messages to control the human race. After beating Keith David into believing him, the two set out to expose the aliens' evil doings. I really can't say anything bad about this movie. It's awesome. Grab your sunglasses, OBEY, and join us as we chew bubblegum and kick ass with They Live!

Episode #53 - Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever

Good God.... We've finally done it... We've finally found a movie that makes The Happening look like The Godfather, House of the Dead look like Dawn of the Dead, and One Missed Call look like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest! Antonio Banderas plays Ecks, an FBI agent who just found out that his wife is still alive. When he's told that one woman, Sever (played unemotionally by Lucy Liu), knows where his wife is, he chases her down to find out where she is. Oh, did I mention that Sever has also kidnapped and caged Ecks' son, a young boy who has nanobots in his bloodstream? Naturally. Anyway, Ecks and Sever team up to take down the man who stole his wife and nanobot-ed his son. Explosions ensue. Watch as Banderas mumbles his way through 90 minutes as Liu struggles to move her face as little as she possibly can. Grab your dessert tray, get your nanobot remote ready, and join us as we VS Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever!

Episode #52 - Kazaam

In an unreleased episode from the archives, we take a look at the Shaq classic "Kazaam". Shaq plays a genie who is released from his boombox by Max, a young boy who's desperate to find and start a relationship with his jerk father. After stealing a million dollar Da Brat cassette tape from his dad in order to look cool in front of some bullies, Max finds himself in a pickle that only Kazaam's magic can get him out of, if only he can get Kazaam to care about anything else besides his hip hop career for ten freaking minutes. Grab your magic boomboxes, reconnect with your sleezeball father, and join us as we rap battle "Kazaam"!

Episode #51 - Johnny Mnemonic

Keanu Reeves gives the worst performance this side of Ellie Cornell in our latest film, 1995's Johnny Mnemonic. Reeves plays a robot playing a human in the distant future of 2021, where the internet is omnipresent but for some reason information is passed along through the use of human couriers with hard drives implanted in their brains, known as Mnemonics. When the cure for St. Vitus Dance is stored in his brain-drive, he must protect it against the evil(?) bad guys who want it for themselves, and get it out of his head before it kills him. This film is worth a watch just to see Keanu get out-acted by Ice-T and an anamatronic dolphin. Grab your Eye-Phones, remember your passcodes, and join us as we drop a flaming car on Johnny Mnemonic!

Episode #50 - 50th Extravaganza!

This week we take a break from reviewing terrible movies so we can reminisce on all the torture we've endured over the last 50 episodes! Join us as we discuss our favorite bad movies, our favorite lines, our favorite characters, scenes, moments, and much more. We also discuss Andy's new favorite show, "The Mental List", which we can only hope is produced by M. Night Shyamalan. Thanks for your support over the last 50 episodes. We hope you'll keep coming back for more!

Episode #49 - A Good Day to Die Hard

In Cold Light of Day Bruce Willis played a man who is secretly a CIA agent and has a rocky relationship with his son. In A Good Day to Die Hard Bruce Willis plays a man who has a rocky relationship with his son, who is secretly a CIA agent. Variety! John McClane takes a vacation from throwing terrorists off of buildings to visit his son in Russia, where he has been imprisoned for murdering a man. When it is revealed that McClane Jr. is CIA and has carefully orchestrated the entire scenario in order to get his hands on some important Russian secrets, McClane Sr. takes it upon himself to yippie kay yay his way into the government's business, jeopardizing the entire mission and his son's life in the process... mostly because he's bored. The mystery of what happened to co-host Andy's childhood hamster is much more compelling than the plot of this film. Grab your "Russian for Dummies" books, put on your radiation suits, and join us as we give A Good Day to Die Hard a deadly massage!

Episode #48 - R.I.P.D.

Our second theatrical review of the summer, R.I.P.D. sees Rooster Cogburn and Hal Jordan team up as a couple of oddly matched postmortem policemen who hunt down and arrest "Deados", ghosts who have overstayed their welcome on Earth. On their very first case together, the duo stumble upon an apocalyptic plot that's been hatched by Kevin Bacon, a dirty cop with a some serious soul stank. Now, Cogburn and Green Lantern must overcome their anachronistic differences and work together to save the world, all while slowly unraveling the mystery of what the coyotes did to Rooster's skull after he died. This movie represents what happens when you take Men In Black and replace all of the charm, character, and quirkiness with fart jokes and "billy goating". Grab your magical charm bracelet, relax your body, and join us as we "erase" R.I.P.D.!

Episode #47 - The Lone Ranger

In a special theatrical episode of Stop The Movie, we take a look at a movie that is still currently stinking up cinemas across the world! The Lone Ranger stars Johnny Depp as Tonto and Armie Hammer as the titular hero, who must overcome his own severe case of the "pansies" in order to find and bring to justice the man who broke his brother's heart... and by that I mean he tore his heart out and ate it like it was a hot dog at a baseball game. When The Lone Ranger's ineptitude leads to his brother's widow and her son getting kidnapped twice in the same day by two separate madmen, he must team up with his on-again, off-again sidekick Jack Sparrow... er, I mean Tonto... to try to rescue them, while simultaneously trying to stop an all out war from breaking out between the US Army and the Commanche Indian tribe. Spoiler alert: He fails miserably at one of these two tasks. 10 good movies could have been made with the amount of money that was LOST by this stinker. Grab your dead bird hats, strap on your ivory legs, and join us as we make a bad trade with The Lone Ranger!

Episode #46 - Elektra

Before Hollywood discovered the formula for making good comic book adaptations, they gave us Elektra... a film which all but brought Jennifer Garner's career to a grinding halt. Garner plays the eponymous hero, who is an assassin-for-hire who has been given a new job... she must KILL THE LAST AIRBENDER... or something like that. Tables are turned when she decides to protect those she was hired to kill against some of the lamest baddies in super hero movie history. Tattoo? Really? Linen-man? C'mon! Can Elektra save the girl and her father? Does the audience even care? Put on your sexy red killin' outfit, leave Ben Affleck on the cutting room floor, and join us as we throw table cloths in Elektra's FACE! With special guest Nick Newert!

Episode #45 - The Cat in the Hat

The Cat In The Hat tried to do what only The Love Guru could do a few years down the road… put an merciless end to the career of the once great Mike Myers. Myers plays the cowardly lion in this 2003 adaptation of one of Dr. Seuss' most famous works. Two siblings find themselves alone on a rainy day when a giant talking cat comes along and completely ruins their day using magic and dumb voices. When the big talking feline shockingly proves to be a terrible guardian, the children find themselves in a pickle when their home is destroyed and their dog runs away. Now they must clean up their mess before their mother gets home and her evil boyfriend, played by the evil Alec Baldwin, can send them both away to military school. If you've ever wanted to see a hepatitis joke pop up in a kids' movie, pick yourself up a copy of this film. Grab your dirty hoes, get in your S.H.I.T. mobiles, and join us as we neuter The Cat in the Hat!