Stop the Movie! I Want to Get Out!

Episode #64 - End of Days

This week we take a stab at the Y2K thriller End of Days, which stars Arnold Schwarzenegger as Jericho Cane, a former cop who finds himself in an apocalyptic battle with the Devil, whose biological clock is tick-tick-ticking away. Seriously... he's just aching to be a daddy, and he won't let anything get in his way. Robin Tunney makes a return to the podcast as the object of Satan's desires, a woman named Christine York, who was born under a bad sign and is now on the run from not only the Devil himself, but also from some well-meaning members of the church who just want her dead. Good luck keeping your bad guys straight... I'm still trying to figure out where Kevin Pollack falls in this whole thing. Grab your Michael swords, take a fiery leak, and join us as we crucify End of Days!

Episode #63 - Octopussy

This week we finally delve into the world of Bond... James Bond! Roger Moore leaves us shaken AND stirred with his sixth turn as the suave super-spy in Octopussy, also known as "the one with all the eggs". When a fellow double-0 agent is killed while dressed as a clown, clutching a Faberge egg, Bond is tasked with uncovering the circumstances around his ridiculous death. In classic James Bond fashion, Faberge eggs lead to a plot involving a nuclear bomb and a Russian plan to take over the world. Now 007 must team up with a bad guy who doesn't know she's a bad guy in order to stop the other bad guys from blowing up a circus on an American military base in a clever rouse that will trick the world into disarming their own nuclear bombs leaving Russia as the only superpower with atomic weaponry thereby giving them free reign to invade whomever they want which will eventually lead to a Soviet global takeover. Is the Cold War over yet? In a perfect allegory for what the Roger Moore era turned the character into, James Bond literally dresses as a clown at one point in this film. Grab your disguises, swing by Q Branch, and join us as we buzz saw Octopussy in the face!

Episode #62 - Masters of the Universe

Dolph Lundgren makes a triumphant return to the podcast, this time in a starring role. Lundgren plays He-Man in this 1987 live action adaptation of the classic He-Man cartoon, alongside a young Courtney Cox and a bafflingly cast Frank Langella. While in the heat of battle in Eternia with his archenemy Skeletor, He-Man is forced to use a magical device that transports he and his friends to 1980's Earth. Now with the help of a couple of teenagers, he must locate the "cosmic key" in order to get back home, and before Skeletor can find it and employ it for his own evil purposes. Not even the power of Grayskull would be potent enough to salvage this thinly-veiled toy commercial. Grab your Japanese synthesizers, put on your loincloths, and join us as special guest Ken Chapman helps us send Masters of the Universe back to Eternia!

Episode #61 - After Earth

Moriarty strikes again! We've been waiting a long time to review M. Night Shyamalan's latest disaster, After Earth! Despite being real life father and son, Will and Jaden Smith play the least convincing father and son on-screen duo ever in this 2013 CGI orgy. Smith Sr. plays Cypher Raige, who crash lands on an abandoned planet Earth with his son Kitai (Smith Jr.) after their ship is caught in a surprise meteor storm. After suffering a debilitating leg injury in the crash, Cypher sends Kitai out on his own to find the tail of their downed ship, where their only hope, a homer beacon, is stashed. Kitai must overcome treacherous weather conditions, baboons, tigers, and his father's shadow in order to save both of their lives! After Earth proves that while fear may not be real, boredom most certainly is. Grab your breathing packs, TAKE A KNEE, and join us as we deny After Earth!

Episode #60 - King Lee

We're back with another Start the Movie edition of the podcast! This week we talk to the filmmakers of a locally produced film about Syracuse's best/worst mayor ever, Lee Alexander. King Lee shows us Lee's story through the warped lens of a 70's exploitation movie, and the results are amazeballs. Join us as director Jonathan Case, producer (and two-time guest podcaster) Tim Ferlito, and actor Nathan Faudree take us behind the scenes of King Lee!

Episode #59 - Rob Zombie's Halloween 2

In our final f@#king episode of this year's "Horror-able f@#king Halloween" series, we review Rob f@#king Zombie's Halloween 2. In the sequel to his 2007 crime against humanity, Zombie takes us back to the white trash version of Haddonfield, where Laurie Strode is trying to cope with the events of Halloween night by yelling at everyone and everything she sees, including her best friend Annie, a book, her steering wheel, and Margot Kidder. Meanwhile, after wandering around maskless in the woods for two years, Michael Myers eventually makes it back to his hometown to finish what he started... pooping on John Carpenter's legacy. Spoiler alert: The first half hour of this podcast is a dream. Grab your horse statues, take out the garbage, and join us as we get all white trashy with Rob Zombie's Halloween 2!

Episode #58 - Halloween 3: Season of the Witch

In our third "Horror-able Halloween" review, we take on Tom Atkins an Halloween 3: Season of the Witch. Atkins plays Dr. Challis, a creepy old man who abandons his kids to go on a quest with an attractive 20 year old who he just met. After her father is murdered, Ellie Grimbridge teams up with Challis to track down her father's killers to Santa Mira, California, where an Irish toy maker named Cochran is manufacturing popular Halloween masks. Challis quickly discovers that Cochran isn't what he seems, and neither are his masks. Can Challis and Ellie stop Cochran before he performs a mass sacrifice? How did Cochran get stonehenge into the country? Where the hell is Michael Myers? Grab your Silver Shamrock masks, tune in for the big giveaway at 9, and join us as we melt Halloween 3's face into a pile of snakes and cockroaches!

Episode #57 - Spookies

Spookies is a special kind of movie. Shot on a low budget, the original cut was so horrid that the producers fired the directors (plural) and brought in someone else to direct a completely other movie that they could cram into their existing film. The resulting mess is so poorly stitched together that it's plot becomes completely incoherent. When a group of youths and their middle-aged friend go on a search for a good party spot, they end up at a creepy old mansion, where an old man lives in the attic with his comatose bride and their abominable offspring. The group comes looking for a party, but what they find is much less fun. This movie should have won an award for Most Poorly Written Comic Relief Character. Grab your planchettes, put on your hand pupperts, and JOIN US as we feed Spookies to a mysterious Asian spider-lady!

Episode #56 - Sleepaway Camp II

In our first review in our "Horror-able Halloween" series we tackle Sleepaway Camp II. Pamela Springsteen plays homicidal camp counselor Angela in this schlocky horror sequel. After undergoing a sex change operation, former murderous summer camper Angela can't keep herself from "sending" bad kids "home", much to the chagrin of her bosses, General Gogol and TC Mullet. Watch as Angela knocks off the world's oldest campers one by one. Grab your chainsaws, put on your arts and crafts Freddy Krueger gloves, and joins us as we make Sleepaway Camp II dookie in its pants!!

Episode #55 - The Paperboy

Zac Effron, Nicole Kidman, Matthew McConaughey, Macy Gray and John Cusack star in one of the most incoherent movies we've ever reviewed. When he's convinced by a crazy woman to write an article about a convicted murderer to try to get him out of prison, McConaughey teams up with his brother (Effron) and his writing partner and sets out to find the truth... or get sexually assaulted trying! Macy Gray does her best to guide us through this muck of a plot and John Cusack gets as gross and racist as he possibly can. Grab a tub of ice cream, leave your pants at home, and join us as we pee all over The Paperboy's face!