Stop the Movie! I Want to Get Out!

Episode #51 - Johnny Mnemonic

Keanu Reeves gives the worst performance this side of Ellie Cornell in our latest film, 1995's Johnny Mnemonic. Reeves plays a robot playing a human in the distant future of 2021, where the internet is omnipresent but for some reason information is passed along through the use of human couriers with hard drives implanted in their brains, known as Mnemonics. When the cure for St. Vitus Dance is stored in his brain-drive, he must protect it against the evil(?) bad guys who want it for themselves, and get it out of his head before it kills him. This film is worth a watch just to see Keanu get out-acted by Ice-T and an anamatronic dolphin. Grab your Eye-Phones, remember your passcodes, and join us as we drop a flaming car on Johnny Mnemonic!

Episode #50 - 50th Extravaganza!

This week we take a break from reviewing terrible movies so we can reminisce on all the torture we've endured over the last 50 episodes! Join us as we discuss our favorite bad movies, our favorite lines, our favorite characters, scenes, moments, and much more. We also discuss Andy's new favorite show, "The Mental List", which we can only hope is produced by M. Night Shyamalan. Thanks for your support over the last 50 episodes. We hope you'll keep coming back for more!

Episode #49 - A Good Day to Die Hard

In Cold Light of Day Bruce Willis played a man who is secretly a CIA agent and has a rocky relationship with his son. In A Good Day to Die Hard Bruce Willis plays a man who has a rocky relationship with his son, who is secretly a CIA agent. Variety! John McClane takes a vacation from throwing terrorists off of buildings to visit his son in Russia, where he has been imprisoned for murdering a man. When it is revealed that McClane Jr. is CIA and has carefully orchestrated the entire scenario in order to get his hands on some important Russian secrets, McClane Sr. takes it upon himself to yippie kay yay his way into the government's business, jeopardizing the entire mission and his son's life in the process... mostly because he's bored. The mystery of what happened to co-host Andy's childhood hamster is much more compelling than the plot of this film. Grab your "Russian for Dummies" books, put on your radiation suits, and join us as we give A Good Day to Die Hard a deadly massage!

Episode #48 - R.I.P.D.

Our second theatrical review of the summer, R.I.P.D. sees Rooster Cogburn and Hal Jordan team up as a couple of oddly matched postmortem policemen who hunt down and arrest "Deados", ghosts who have overstayed their welcome on Earth. On their very first case together, the duo stumble upon an apocalyptic plot that's been hatched by Kevin Bacon, a dirty cop with a some serious soul stank. Now, Cogburn and Green Lantern must overcome their anachronistic differences and work together to save the world, all while slowly unraveling the mystery of what the coyotes did to Rooster's skull after he died. This movie represents what happens when you take Men In Black and replace all of the charm, character, and quirkiness with fart jokes and "billy goating". Grab your magical charm bracelet, relax your body, and join us as we "erase" R.I.P.D.!

Episode #47 - The Lone Ranger

In a special theatrical episode of Stop The Movie, we take a look at a movie that is still currently stinking up cinemas across the world! The Lone Ranger stars Johnny Depp as Tonto and Armie Hammer as the titular hero, who must overcome his own severe case of the "pansies" in order to find and bring to justice the man who broke his brother's heart... and by that I mean he tore his heart out and ate it like it was a hot dog at a baseball game. When The Lone Ranger's ineptitude leads to his brother's widow and her son getting kidnapped twice in the same day by two separate madmen, he must team up with his on-again, off-again sidekick Jack Sparrow... er, I mean Tonto... to try to rescue them, while simultaneously trying to stop an all out war from breaking out between the US Army and the Commanche Indian tribe. Spoiler alert: He fails miserably at one of these two tasks. 10 good movies could have been made with the amount of money that was LOST by this stinker. Grab your dead bird hats, strap on your ivory legs, and join us as we make a bad trade with The Lone Ranger!

Episode #46 - Elektra

Before Hollywood discovered the formula for making good comic book adaptations, they gave us Elektra... a film which all but brought Jennifer Garner's career to a grinding halt. Garner plays the eponymous hero, who is an assassin-for-hire who has been given a new job... she must KILL THE LAST AIRBENDER... or something like that. Tables are turned when she decides to protect those she was hired to kill against some of the lamest baddies in super hero movie history. Tattoo? Really? Linen-man? C'mon! Can Elektra save the girl and her father? Does the audience even care? Put on your sexy red killin' outfit, leave Ben Affleck on the cutting room floor, and join us as we throw table cloths in Elektra's FACE! With special guest Nick Newert!

Episode #45 - The Cat in the Hat

The Cat In The Hat tried to do what only The Love Guru could do a few years down the road… put an merciless end to the career of the once great Mike Myers. Myers plays the cowardly lion in this 2003 adaptation of one of Dr. Seuss' most famous works. Two siblings find themselves alone on a rainy day when a giant talking cat comes along and completely ruins their day using magic and dumb voices. When the big talking feline shockingly proves to be a terrible guardian, the children find themselves in a pickle when their home is destroyed and their dog runs away. Now they must clean up their mess before their mother gets home and her evil boyfriend, played by the evil Alec Baldwin, can send them both away to military school. If you've ever wanted to see a hepatitis joke pop up in a kids' movie, pick yourself up a copy of this film. Grab your dirty hoes, get in your S.H.I.T. mobiles, and join us as we neuter The Cat in the Hat!

Episode #44 - Drive Angry

We just can't get enough Nicolas Cage here at Stop the Movie. He makes a triumphant, if not half asleep return to the podcast in 2011's Drive Angry! Cage plays Milton, a man recently escaped from the bowels of Hell who is bent on finding his granddaughter, a baby that has been kidnapped by a cult leader who plans on using her as a human sacrifice in order to bring Hell to Earth. Amber Heard is a waitress who gets dragged along for the ride, solely because she has a hot car and a hotter body. The duo must find the cult leader and save the baby, all while being chased by a demon who wants to return Cage's soul to the depths of Hades. Come for the Nicolas Cage jokes, stay to find out which actor in this movie co-host Andy "Randy" Wolf is in love with. Hint: It's not any of the women. Grab your demon killin' guns, renew your drivers' licenses, and join us as we send Drive Angry back to Hell!

Episode #43 - Double Dragon

Double Dragon is an adaptation of the video game of the same name, and in the rich tradition of Street Fighter, Super Mario Bros, and House of the Dead, it sucks. Jimmy Lee and his clearly adopted brother Billy live in the city of "New Angeles" in the distant future of 2007. Robert Patrick plays a megalomaniac who devises an evil scheme to take over a city that he ostensibly already owns. Now the Lee brothers must fend off numerous street gangs while trying to keep their half of a mystical medallion from falling into the wrong hands. I can't imagine that there are worse video game adaptations than this one. Pull up your favorite mutating chair, pour yourself a glass of flammable water, and join us as we make Double Dragon punch itself in the face!

Episode #42 - I Know Who Killed Me

I Know Who Killed Me represents the death throes of Lindsay Lohan's career as an actress. In what we've dubbed "Parent Trap 2", Lohan plays two characters... the first is Aubrey, a well off, smart, musically talented young woman who enjoys writing stories in her spare time. The second is a dirty, filthy, toilet talking stripper named Dakota. When Aubrey is abducted by a killer whose motives are the only thing dumber than his M.O., Dakota is found horribly injured and mistaken for her twin sister. Now Dakota must prove that she's not who everyone thinks she is, and find Aubrey before it's too late. The ending to this movie proved to be so predictable and lame that the filmmakers opted to just leave it out of the film altogether. Charge up your artificial legs, don't ask me any questions, and join us as we punish I Know Who Killed Me for not wanting to play the piano!